Ya know, emotionally

Freezing.
Frozen.
Stuck in a fistful of stitched dismissive twists.
Maybe I do just like girls who beat me up. Ya know. Emotionally.
Fucked up,
Stuck-up, lucked into and out of situations of much love.
Short-lived.
Meeting, movie, text message, text message, movie at my place, first kiss, phone call, text message, lunch date, sleep in her bed, text message text message, fall asleep to movie in my bed,
Phone call, no answer.
Phone call, no answer.
Call back! Awkward conversation. Waning interest.
Text message, movie.
Last movie. Last kiss.
Text message from me, ‘I am not a serial monogamist, I just can’t hold more than one girl’s attention at a time.”
Two days and a text back, ‘It’s not you jake, you were great. You did nothing wrong, you are a sweet, sweet, man. You will find a great girl. You deserve better. I just need time.’
It’s not me.
It’s never me. They always tell me so.
Did she even know me?
Does she not realize who I am?
I couldn’t cheat on her. Or did she just do it first?
She was supposed to be different.
She wasn’t.
You are supposed to be different.
You are different.
You will be the one who leads me out of this complex.
Then you will beat me up.
Ya know, emotionally.